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Tired Of ‘Chair Force’ Nickname, Air Force Colonel Bans Chairs

TAMPA, FL — The Commander of the 6th Air Mobility Wing at MacDill Air Force Base announced today that he would no longer allow chairs to be used by his airmen. In his weekly command-wide email, Col. Lenny Richoux stressed the importance of good posture, physical fitness, and “standing tall.”

“We must remember that chairs are detrimental to good posture, mobility, and discipline,” he wrote, “so effective immediately, all chairs are to be removed from offices.”

The Command Chief Master Sergeant, Derrick Crowley, wasn’t buying it.

“This isn’t about posture. The Colonel’s just plain sick and tired of this ‘Chair Force’ moniker. Being around all these CENTCOM doorkickers all day long means we have to put up with all their crap.”

Richoux denied that this had anything to do with the “unofficial Air Force nickname.”

“Our Airmen, whether they are flying jets, piloting UAV’s, or gathering intelligence, are always sitting down. This stuff has got to be bad for their back.”

Some airmen at the command were angered.

“How the hell am I supposed to work under these conditions?” said Senior Airman Gregory Jones. “So we use chairs. Big deal. It doesn’t mean we all should be at standing desks like a bunch of idiot hippies.”

Many chairs on the base have already been removed in order to meet the deadline of March 9.

Richoux closed his email with a sharp warning.

“Anyone caught sitting down will be court martialed. Don’t be the one.”

 

By Paul Sharpe

Paul is a former Marine grunt with eight years of experience — specializing in snapping necks and cashing checks. He enjoys blowing things up, making people laugh, and hardcore gangster rap music.

53 replies on “Tired Of ‘Chair Force’ Nickname, Air Force Colonel Bans Chairs”

What’s sad is that I’ve actually had this happen to me.
Sometimes fiction meets reality in the worst ways.

I’m sorry but I’m about to be MEDICALLY DISCHARGED! I’m on a standing waiver….so am I supposed to stand and cut orders all day? Seriously, it’s idiots like this who have NOTHING BETTER TO DO that really piss me off! He needs to be relieved of his duties…OR deploy to Afghanistan where you have REAL work to take care of….actually NO, you wouldn’t want a jerk like this there, writing you up….piss off….he needs to go away….seriously! Chairs SERVE A PURPOSE, especially in the military personnel flight where I work!

If this is a serious response, you suck at life. If it is not a serious response, you made a very convincing presentation that you believed this was actually true even though you knew this was a site of military satire. So either You’re and idiot or Congrats are in order!

They should at least get those inflateable balls that u can use instead of chairs and they should all be blue then we can call them the Blue Ball Force haha

The Colonel should be relieved for this idiocy. . . or forced to work on the flightline all day in the Florida heat.

Your writing is so much better to read with another Vet. Preferably have fucked up.

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