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Report reveals Otis Spunkmeyer was Nazi muffin scientist who defected to US

WASHINGTON — Documents from the late 1940s declassified Monday contain shocking revelations regarding famed muffin patriarch Otis Spunkemeyer. The documents outline a secret US program called Operation Banana Nut which repatriated top Nazi muffin scientists to the US and allowed them to continue their work under assumed aliases.

This confirms decades of speculation that Spunkmeyer was actually Hans Jizzmueller, known Nazi party member and head of Germany’s military muffin force, the Müfinwaffen SS, until the final days of the Third Reich. His unmasking is also the latest and most surprising revelation since Americans learned that Fanta was originally produced in Nazi Germany under the name Fanta.

“Jizzmueller was a renowned blueberry baking scientist in Prussia during the 30’s so it’s natural that he was drafted into the war effort” said historian Andrew Sharruck.

Despite the documents’ recent release, Shattuck is featured heavily in an upcoming Netflix documentary “Do You Know the Müffin Man?” about Jizzmueller/Spunkmeyer. He goes on to explain that “Hitler was obsessed with providing artificially moist baked goods to frontline troops as a way to win the war, and the Nazi Müfinwaffe was the key, led by Jizzmueller.”

The documentary explores what has long been considered one of history’s great “what-ifs,” a Nazi plan to deploy singe-serve, prepackaged chocolate chip muffins to the western front ahead of D-Day, which likely would’ve spelled doom for allied forces. Even after successful allied landings, the Nazis continued extensive muffin research and testing up until the fall of Berlin at which time key members of the Müfinwaffe petitioned for asylum.

The immense shelf-stable baked goods gap that existed between the allied and Axis powers through the end of the war was the primary reason US leaders felt it absolutely necessary to repatriate Jizzmueller and other top muffin scientists.

“It we didn’t make him Otis Spunkmeyer, the Russians would’ve made him Boris Cumalovski, and we would’ve spent the 50’s up to our ears in Kremlin Tastykakes” said Shattuck.

By BYOBooyah

BYOBooyah cut his teeth as a Chinook pilot and definitely had fewer than 4 crashes. He currently serves as reminder to the citizens of Chicago that some veterans are fat. He can be found @BYOBooyah on twitter yelling at his zero followers